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Moms Who Cry

How to Break Down to Get Up

Have you ever had that feeling like you want the world to stop spinning just so you can get a breathing space?

This happened to me last week. Tired for no good reason, angry at myself for not being a good mother and feeling guilty of a thousand other things, I broke down one dinner time over this: finding out that Liam failed his Math exams, and Levi banging his head against mine because I did not took notice of his antics.

I always took pride in being a mom-of-all trades, so realizing that my priorities are slipping out of my hands made my throat dry and my heart hurt.

How do I deal with this? I don’t know. But the thing I knew is, I have to do something. This ‘life fatigue’ is starting to take its toll on my kids and in many aspects of my life, my health included.

The first thing I decided is that I will not be just a problem dweller, I will be a problem solver. I sat down and wrote my priorities in order, what is stressing me out, what I wanted to work out and what needs fixing. Then I narrowed it down to three things:

  1. Time
  2. Energy
  3. Money

I decided that this week, I will be focusing on time only. Time for my family, time for work, time for myself and for Rush and I.

We went to Quezon last week to have some good old family time and had so much fun! It’s a trip that we would have forgone had we thought about the time and money we’ll burn… but God is good and gave us the provisions we need!

Image from the author
Image from the author

I’ll admit, I am still struggling with time. I am still zoning out, thinking about problems, or browsing Facebook, wondering how others seem to be gliding effortlessly through life. But now that I am more aware of this, I snap my fingers at myself and think of my promise to myself each time, that I will do good by and for my family, no matter what life throws at me.

This is just the first of my priorities and I’d love to improve in all aspects of my life. Have you been in the same kind of rut and managed to survive? If so I’d love to hear how you did it. Let’s take this journey together!

Khei

 

3 Comments

chaoticmommying

3 Comments

  1. Aijem
    March 21, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    Good thoughts! Awesome mindset. Just a few things to remember. All of us are born winners, in the contrary only few reach success. Now what does success means to you? Is it money? Is it time? Is it your family? It is actually a roll over. You win in all every aspect of your life. Try to think about it, you have your kids, husband and your friends. You won them, they trust and care for you. Money, you won it. You have money to spend, you can go to the office not walking from your home. You can eat food while others can’t. You can buy few things while others can’t even spare to buy one. You live in a shelter that you can call home. Time? You have it in eternity. It doesn’t mean that if you can’t have 10 hours everyday for yourself or your family you lost it. You have an eternity to catch up. You still breathe, you still write so you still have a time. Do not dwell on all of the things that you “lost” because in essence you have won it all. Your child may have failed his exam but come on, all of us did and remember this will give him a lesson to do better next time. Your other son bumped your head, it is not because you failed to give him time. You are focusing too much of the problem you have. Problems are there to make you stronger and make life exciting. Did I forgot to tell on the beginning of this comment why only few reach success? It is because we all have our own definition of it. 🙂

    • Khei Ocampo
      June 11, 2018 at 10:01 am

      I know this reply is long overdue, but thanks Aijem! I did come to this realization lately and am now focusing on the beautiful things in my life! Depression can really amp up the small negative things which can result to the good being overshadowed, but the good thing is that there is always always hope and change is within my control!

      • AIJEM
        June 13, 2018 at 9:50 pm

        Yup! You’ve come a long wayand I am super proud of you Khei!

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